Gracious Father,

Today I approach your throne with thanksgiving for
a full night's sleep; this morning's sunshine, the songbirds, the
emails wishing me a wonderful day and renewed health, and
for the sweet memory of Johnny's words "I love you, Barb.
Always will."

 I thank thee for the trials of my life, for painful as they were,
 and are, they reveal to me my strengths, as well as my 
weaknesses; they help me recognize in what areas I need to grow.

Today, I again place my hurts, worries, fears and concerns 
into your hands. I do this  because they  are
to heavy for me- and to painful; and because I know that You are
the God of impossible things; you (many times), created masterpieces
out of the ruins of my life.

You are my Rock, my strength, 
the Joy of my heart.
You are my Peace.

Please, Lord, bless this day:
Those facing trials to great for their power:
Those behind prison walls, without friends, family or hope:
Those struggling with addictions:
Those whose children are in trouble:
Those who are struggling to hold tight to their faith:
Those who have lost everything because of natural disasters:
Those suffering because of an unwillingness to forgive:
Those whose marriages are in trouble:
Those who, this very minute, are in the valley of decision,
not sure whether they wish to live-or die:
Those who are lost, afraid, lonely, hungry, sad and friendless.

Let me, I pray, never remain blind, or willingly close my eyes
to the needs and pleas of my sisters and brothers in the world.
Grant me the ability to Love as You love me, to focus on the 
good in others- to the best of my ability, rightly represent Christ.
It is in His name I pray. Amen.

Gracious Father,


Teach me to live just for today, to stay focused on what truly matters: family,
the hurts and needs of others, the need for understanding and compassion. Help me to keep both heart and mind open, so that I won't miss those things you want me to hear- to know.


Teach me to walk in your steps, not lagging behind- so I could get lost, nor
running ahead, for then I would meet with things I'm not prepared for. Help me remember that walking with You means doing as You did, desiring what You desired.

Teach me to always speak the truth, to never fear persecution, criticism, or any negative thing; to remember always that nothing comes into my life, or departs from it without first having your stamp of approval.


Help me remember the deepness of my sorrows, how acute their pain, so that I will be able to minister to others more gently, more kindly, and with more compassion and patience.


Teach me how to let go, Gracious Father, of all those things that prevent me
from becoming the woman you desire me to be. Help me remember all that you forgave me for, so that when others need my forgiveness I am quick to give it.

Thank you for helping me see my flaws of character, for helping me understand how each of them messed up (and is still messing up my life).

Thank you for encouraging me each day, for comforting me, wiping my tears when I cry, and holding me tight against your heart when I am overwhelmed with the trials in my life.


Sometimes, especially since Johnny's death, I feel quite lost and misplaced, 
but know that in truth I am not, for YOU are wherever I am.

Bless my family and friends this day, Lord. You know their situations, their heart pain. Please comfort them as you do me. May each of them know today, the honor of your presence, the warmth of your love, and the tightness of
Your embrace.

Sometimes, like now, Lord, when my heart is so very heavy, I say your name, sometimes whisper it in the dark of night, and am comforted, for
I know that you are as close as my breath, that there is no need to fear. 

Thank you for today, Lord, difficult and painful as it has been. It isn't easy to cope with the many emotions that churn about like leaves in the wind, not easy to be strong when I feel so weak, but I can do all things in your strength.

So many changes are in the horizon, Lord. Help me remember that not all changes are bad, that in truth, every one of them has your stamp of approval on them. Help me remember that every trial I am facing is to teach me something. Help me to always retain an open mind, to be ready to listen to what you say, and to not just hear it, but to do as you ask, even though sometimes what you ask is beyond my understanding.

My beloved Johnny is gone now and it's so hard to adjust to life without him. Help me, Lord, when I go memory walking not to linger in the past to long. If one does, it becomes to easy to make the past ones home, and by  doing that, one is unable to move forward.

Thank you for loving me so much, for being so quick to lift me up, refill me with courage and strength, and for the dependability of your WORD. I love you.

Lord, thank you for your faithfulness, your dependability and your amazing love. Midst this present storm, no matter how rough it gets, or how scary, I know that always you are where I am. Because I know that, Lord, I come to you  needing comfort, guidance and wisdom.
Just for today, Lord, hold me a little closer to your heart when the tears come, a little tighter- so that I will feel a bit safer, and not so intimidated about tomorrow, or even the next moment.

Just for today, guide my thoughts, my feet, and my hands so that self pity gets no welcome at all. Keep my thoughts upon the GOD of my heart and life, the ONE who has always loved me, protected me, comforted me, led me and  kept me moving forward, upon the ONE who has never let me down.For today, Lord, let my feet remain on the right path, and my hands doing for others. Do not let the heaviness of this sadness in my heart turn me into a bitter, cold, unfeeling person, but help me to embrace it, knowing that every trial has within it a miracle, a miracle that will help my faith grow, my compassion grow, my patience and understanding grow.


Help me, Lord, to remain in the present moment, rather than dwelling on the past or running ahead into the future. The past is behind me, and the future  yet to be. THIS moment, this present is full of unused opportunities, full of "SHINY" moments (blessing from you), not yet experienced.

Help me embrace each moment as it comes, whether filled with joy and laughter, or sorrow and despair, remembering always that wherever I am YOU are, so there is no need to be fearful.Help me, today especially, hold tightly to your many promises, never forgetting that you have never broken a promise- never will.
Thank you for loving me so much, for being so quick to comfort me, for always reminding me of your presence.


Bless my family and friends, especially those who have, like myself, just lost a loved one. May all of us daily experience the warmth of your love, the honor of your presence and the tightness of your embrace.

 I love you, Lord.

Remembering Your Love, Lord

Heavenly Father,

You know how ill my Johnny is, how fast the changes are coming now, how seeing them hurts me so much. Hold me close then, tightly, next to your heart, so that I can remain strong, so that when fear and discouragement wash over me I won't have to worry about falling- I will be safe within your  arms.

Thank you for your many blessings,Lord, especially for letting Johnny  be here for the past eight Anniversaries. Number thirty-nine is coming up, on Dec. 31. He wants only to make it for that one, says if he can be here for our 39th anniversary he will die a happy man.  I hope he is able to make it, but if not, my comfort will be knowing that he loves Jesus-loves you, and always thanks the Holy Spirit for helping him change.
  
Lord, just for today, help me count my blessings, to remember that no matter how difficult or painful things are, I am never alone; when alone, I am with you, and there is not a safer, nor more wonderful  place to be.

Help me remember the pristine beauty of your love, Lord, 
that it is universal, meaning everybody is included. There is not one person
on this planet who has to be alone, who has to go through  life being afraid, lonely, friendless, insecure. Your love is always reaching out towards them-
towards us all.

Help me remember, Lord that your love is personal; it focuses on each individual. My greatest comfort comes from knowing you know where I live, and observe my going in and out of our home. You know my thoughts, take note of every tear I cry, you wipe them as they fall. You sit with me when sadness makes it impossible to sleep, and are there first thing in the morning, to walk with me through the day, and the next one, and the ones after that.

 Help me remember that your love is pursuing- always seeking me, wanting to guide and protect me, wanting to be there for the wrong turns I take so you can set me back on the right path.

Help me remember, Gracious Father, that your love is changeless; your love is unconditional. You love me in spite of my faults, are always there to uplift and encourage me, rather than abandon me when I mess up.

Help me remember that your love is Selfless; you sacrificed your precious SON for my sake, for all our sakes.

Help me I pray, to remember that your love is empowering; that when You are Lord of my heart and life, nothing is impossible. I love you, Lord, with all my heart.

Lord, help me, during this most difficult time, to not focus  on my heart pain, but upon the thirty eight and a half wonderful years spent with my Johnny. Allow me not to forget your mercy- your goodness;how when he had cancer and prayed to make it to one more anniversary, you gave us eight more. We thought the Christmas of 2011 would be our last one together, but he is still here.
   He bought me an early birthday gift in April, saying "I might not be here, baby, to get this for you." Now it is July, and though none of us wish to lose him we know that we are soon too. Lord it is so very hard.

Just for today, give me strength to tend to his needs cheerfully in spite of my weariness. Make my hands gentle upon his sore skin, my voice as loving and kind as yours is to me. Grant me courage and keep me clearheaded when he calls me during the night needing my help.
 
Just for today, let the memory walks I take lead me to the times spent alone with you, Lord, for those times were times of refreshing; they filled up that empty space within my heart, quenched my deep thirst, quieted me mind.

Just for today, let me take refuge in your promises. Let me experience again, the honor of your presence, the warmth of your love, the tightness of your embrace.

Thank you for the many "Shiny" moments you give me, those unexpected little things that lift my spirits: notes and emails from friends, phone calls telling me we're being prayed for, a good nights sleep, time alone to sit quietly and not think...just be, your Word...your LOVE.

Sharing Song I Wrote in 1997

Most of you know that my youngest sister died a few days ago, which is why I decided to share this song I wrote with you. I got to thinking about loss; how difficult a thing it is to cope with whether it be the death of a loved one, loss of a job, our home, or something that in the eyes of others, doesn't seem too big a loss. Any loss puts a huge hole in our comfort zone and changes the way we once viewed the world, others, ourselves.
    I got to thinking about how so many of you are, like I am at this particular moment, grieving over the death of a loved one. It's tough, I know, but we will survive, will one day be back on track. But meanwhile, while our hearts our hurting so much I wanted to remind you (though I know most of you haven't forgotten), how great a GOD we have. It is because of His love, His faithfulness that I'm doing okay. I pray that reading this song will comfort you; will remind you that no matter how difficult the trial we are not experiencing it alone. Jesus is right where He promised to be...right beside us.


 Your Love Still Abides With Me

Lord, this day, the clouds all about me
are gray and darken the sun.
I'm trying so hard to be faithful,
but can't let go of the burdens, not one.
Thou hast said, Child, I'll never leave you,
I'm not man that I should lie."
Upon bended knee, Lord, hear me please,
Hear my last words lest I should die.

I thank thee O, God, for sweet Jesus,
For roses, children and the rain,
for the trials that test the man that I am,
they bring me me close to you again.
I'm thanking you now for these burdens,
Heavy Lord, as they may be.
Man's love comes and goes,
as everyone knows, but your love,
Lord abides with me.

Lord, the dark upon me is heavy,
It feels more than I can withstand.
I've tried my best to believe you,
but think them too much for a mere man.
Thou hast promised, "Child, "I'll not leave you.
"I'm not man that I should lie.'
Upon bended knee, Lord, hear me please,
Hear my last words, lest I should die.

I thank thee, O, God for sweet Jesus,
For roses, children, and the rain,
for the trials that test the man that I am,
they bring me close to you again.
I'm thanking you now for these burdens,
heavy as they may be.
Man's love comes and goes, as everyone knows,

but your love still abides with me.