Monday, August 15, 2011


And we know that we can, if we so choose. True, sometimes, as it  did this morning, bad news comes riding in on the sun. When it does, we oftentimes feel overwhelmed, as if we have no control over anything. The truth is- sometimes we don't.  My Johnny and I don't have any control over what is happening to him. Not any more. And it hurts so bad; makes us both feel so helpless. He can't do much for me these days, and it breaks his heart. He has always spoiled me, done things for me that I could have done myself. But  he'd say." Baby let me spoil you. One day, a long time from now, I may not be able to do things for you." That day has arrived.

And me? I long so to comfort him, to do for him all that once filled him with such joy and happiness. But I can't. His body..his very bones are so fragile. He can't endure a hug any more, yet craves it; can't walk with me, nor talk with me much ( his lungs, we found out today are barely working).

Is today a good day? Not really. But the other side of the coin is that it is a VERY GOOD DAY; a good day because my Johnny is still here with me, a good day because I am still here, by God's grace; a good day because Johnny and I  have millions of memories to see us through the darker, sadder times ahead.  It is a good day because my Johnny knows the Lord, knows how much he loves him, knows that when he dies our separation is but a temporary one.

I am, as some of you know, sharing the story I wrote about our life together. I titled it
"The Fragrance Of A Rose."  Each few days, as I type out another part of it for you I get the opportunity, as does my Johnny, to relive our life over, right from the beginning. As I share with him what I shared with you, he and I often discuss how far we have come, how grateful we are that the Lord helped us work through the worst of our trials, especially those that were the hardest because they were the most painful. There was a time we both felt we'd never make it; that too much damage had been done to our marriage. But we learned to walk our faith, learned that faith has to be so strong it sustains itself. I turned to the Lord, had Him teach me, guide me and direct my words, actions and deeds. If not for him, my Johnny would no doubt be spending his last days alone. I am so glad that is not the case; so glad that this man I have come to love so much still has me at his side.

You know, life is but a wisp of smoke, here- then gone. Whoever you are, or wherever you are, I pray you don't ever take for granted the ones who love you. Make the most of each moment you have together. Treat those at home as good as you treat strangers.

Just for today, Lord, enable me to recognize the blessings midst each trial, to be able to see with clarity of vision, rather then through the eyes of self-pity. Help me, I pray, to not let my sorrows cause me to become deaf to the cries of my brothers and sisters. Help me to be gentle of spirit, slow to anger and quick to forgive. Grant me, Gracious Lord, the ability to love my enemies as you love them, to pray for them, genuinely wanting the best for them.
   And now, as the world prepares for sleep, watch over us as you have every night. We are so grateful for your faithfulness and  the dependability of your Word.  We will remember, Lord, as we prepare for sleep, your goodness to us, how deep your love, how great your sacrifice. 


Linda :) said...

I'm wishing you both a blessed day.... :)

Barb said...

Thank you, Linda. Having such wonderful, supportive friends adds to the many blessing God has already given us. Thank you for taking time to read my posts.

Kath said...

I hurt for you Barb when I read your posts,but I learn so much from them.I am so happy I found you again,So sad you have to endure all this pain,but the Good Lord will see us through.I have pain too for loved ones in my family who are very sick as Johnny is,but as you know,I am a very private person and cannot come to terms with blogging it.I know the Lord will see me through all this as he will you and Johnny.Blowing a bug Hug to Johnny and yourself which will not hurt.Prayers for you always.Take Care God Bless Kath xx

Barb said...

Kath, Please send me your email address. I tried to send you a letter but the address I had wasn't the right one.