Wednesday, August 17, 2011
I am glad for my mornings hour with you, before I have spoken with man or done a thing unto the day, for your presence alone keeps me safe, strong, and full of courage. If my eyes look upon the thing that hurts me so much, the thing that has ripped apart my comfort zone, I would surely, like Peter, sink. But my eyes do not focus upon that which hurts, but HE who comforts. It is You, Lord, who guide my words and actions, who holds me steady, when the sadness threatens to overwhelm me.
I pray this morning, for my Johnny, Father. I ask that you would strengthen him, help him to realize the depth of your love, to understand that when you say something -you mean it, like being forgiven. His heart hurts so much, Father, for the mistakes he has made. I have forgiven him. You have forgiven him, but he is finding it hard to forgive himself. As his health worsens, his regrets seem to grow. It hurts me to see him so sad, hurts that I can't comfort him in ways that used to please him, used to take his sadness and fears away. I used to be able to do for him all he needed, but cannot any more. YOU, Gracious Father, are the only one who can give him peace. I ask that you touch his heart in a new way. Look within it, and you will see that he loves you, will see how hard he has tried to change. Grant him that promised peace of Christ, Lord, while he is able to experience it.
As for me? Lord I ask that you help me come to terms with my emotions that are sweeping through me like a summer storm, feelings I am having a hard time with. I am angry- that Johnny is leaving me, though it is no fault of his own. I am so sad sometimes it's heaviness seems more than I can bear- is so deep- so painful that I can no longer cry. I am confused sometimes, not knowing which way to turn, or what to do; mostly because I am beginning to feel somewhat numb. I know these feelings are normal under the circumstances. I understand that what scares me is that I feel as if I have no control over anything, which makes the situation even more uncomfortable.
But.... even with all this going on within me, I CAN be at peace, if I but remember that every trial comes to its own end; that there are always rainbows after a rain.
I shall think upon those things, Father, rather than the trial itself. I shall focus upon the wonderful years you gave me and Johnny, years full of memories I will treasure forever.
Thank you for helping me sleep last night; for rocking my heart to peace again.
Thank you for today's breath of life, for Johnny, who is still here, for the enormous love we have for each other.
Thank you for the many friends I have online, friends who never fail to be there when I need them.
I praise your Name; praise you for your kindness, patience, mercy, love and compassion for mankind. I praise you for extending my Johnny's life, for keeping us close in heart as well as in mind.
I praise you for the trials that test me, for they reveal to me my strengths, as well as my weaknesses: they keep my faith strong- my heart close to you.
Be with me this day, Gracious Father. Help me to rightly represent Christ. I ask these things in His most precious name. Amen