Remembering Your Love, Lord

Heavenly Father,

You know how ill my Johnny is, how fast the changes are coming now, how seeing them hurts me so much. Hold me close then, tightly, next to your heart, so that I can remain strong, so that when fear and discouragement wash over me I won't have to worry about falling- I will be safe within your  arms.

Thank you for your many blessings,Lord, especially for letting Johnny  be here for the past eight Anniversaries. Number thirty-nine is coming up, on Dec. 31. He wants only to make it for that one, says if he can be here for our 39th anniversary he will die a happy man.  I hope he is able to make it, but if not, my comfort will be knowing that he loves Jesus-loves you, and always thanks the Holy Spirit for helping him change.
  
Lord, just for today, help me count my blessings, to remember that no matter how difficult or painful things are, I am never alone; when alone, I am with you, and there is not a safer, nor more wonderful  place to be.

Help me remember the pristine beauty of your love, Lord, 
that it is universal, meaning everybody is included. There is not one person
on this planet who has to be alone, who has to go through  life being afraid, lonely, friendless, insecure. Your love is always reaching out towards them-
towards us all.

Help me remember, Lord that your love is personal; it focuses on each individual. My greatest comfort comes from knowing you know where I live, and observe my going in and out of our home. You know my thoughts, take note of every tear I cry, you wipe them as they fall. You sit with me when sadness makes it impossible to sleep, and are there first thing in the morning, to walk with me through the day, and the next one, and the ones after that.

 Help me remember that your love is pursuing- always seeking me, wanting to guide and protect me, wanting to be there for the wrong turns I take so you can set me back on the right path.

Help me remember, Gracious Father, that your love is changeless; your love is unconditional. You love me in spite of my faults, are always there to uplift and encourage me, rather than abandon me when I mess up.

Help me remember that your love is Selfless; you sacrificed your precious SON for my sake, for all our sakes.

Help me I pray, to remember that your love is empowering; that when You are Lord of my heart and life, nothing is impossible. I love you, Lord, with all my heart.

Lord, help me, during this most difficult time, to not focus  on my heart pain, but upon the thirty eight and a half wonderful years spent with my Johnny. Allow me not to forget your mercy- your goodness;how when he had cancer and prayed to make it to one more anniversary, you gave us eight more. We thought the Christmas of 2011 would be our last one together, but he is still here.
   He bought me an early birthday gift in April, saying "I might not be here, baby, to get this for you." Now it is July, and though none of us wish to lose him we know that we are soon too. Lord it is so very hard.

Just for today, give me strength to tend to his needs cheerfully in spite of my weariness. Make my hands gentle upon his sore skin, my voice as loving and kind as yours is to me. Grant me courage and keep me clearheaded when he calls me during the night needing my help.
 
Just for today, let the memory walks I take lead me to the times spent alone with you, Lord, for those times were times of refreshing; they filled up that empty space within my heart, quenched my deep thirst, quieted me mind.

Just for today, let me take refuge in your promises. Let me experience again, the honor of your presence, the warmth of your love, the tightness of your embrace.

Thank you for the many "Shiny" moments you give me, those unexpected little things that lift my spirits: notes and emails from friends, phone calls telling me we're being prayed for, a good nights sleep, time alone to sit quietly and not think...just be, your Word...your LOVE.

Sharing Song I Wrote in 1997

Most of you know that my youngest sister died a few days ago, which is why I decided to share this song I wrote with you. I got to thinking about loss; how difficult a thing it is to cope with whether it be the death of a loved one, loss of a job, our home, or something that in the eyes of others, doesn't seem too big a loss. Any loss puts a huge hole in our comfort zone and changes the way we once viewed the world, others, ourselves.
    I got to thinking about how so many of you are, like I am at this particular moment, grieving over the death of a loved one. It's tough, I know, but we will survive, will one day be back on track. But meanwhile, while our hearts our hurting so much I wanted to remind you (though I know most of you haven't forgotten), how great a GOD we have. It is because of His love, His faithfulness that I'm doing okay. I pray that reading this song will comfort you; will remind you that no matter how difficult the trial we are not experiencing it alone. Jesus is right where He promised to be...right beside us.


 Your Love Still Abides With Me

Lord, this day, the clouds all about me
are gray and darken the sun.
I'm trying so hard to be faithful,
but can't let go of the burdens, not one.
Thou hast said, Child, I'll never leave you,
I'm not man that I should lie."
Upon bended knee, Lord, hear me please,
Hear my last words lest I should die.

I thank thee O, God, for sweet Jesus,
For roses, children and the rain,
for the trials that test the man that I am,
they bring me me close to you again.
I'm thanking you now for these burdens,
Heavy Lord, as they may be.
Man's love comes and goes,
as everyone knows, but your love,
Lord abides with me.

Lord, the dark upon me is heavy,
It feels more than I can withstand.
I've tried my best to believe you,
but think them too much for a mere man.
Thou hast promised, "Child, "I'll not leave you.
"I'm not man that I should lie.'
Upon bended knee, Lord, hear me please,
Hear my last words, lest I should die.

I thank thee, O, God for sweet Jesus,
For roses, children, and the rain,
for the trials that test the man that I am,
they bring me close to you again.
I'm thanking you now for these burdens,
heavy as they may be.
Man's love comes and goes, as everyone knows,

but your love still abides with me.